Many people start the challenging journey to become fit and active, but why is it that so many times this journey ends prematurely? A lot of authors focus on the importance of making it a habit and there are different theories about the “21 or 66 days”. You can find many examples of “Beginner’s guide to Exercise” and “Sample Workouts for Beginners” in bookstores and on the internet. If you are anything like me, these did not work for you, and you are still looking for your solution. I am hoping by sharing my story, will help you to find your “Why?” to either start exercising or continue and not quit. You are much stronger than you have ever imagined, and I want to help you to discover this strong person inside yourself.

Before 2014, I was probably a person that you would have disliked. I had no idea what it felt like to be unfit because I started competing in cross-country and athletics at the age of 6 and never stopped. I was so oblivious to how fortunate I was to be healthy and fit; I had no clue what people go through when they start exercising. But the only constant in life is change, it creeps in, sometimes slowly and other times fast.

The year I turned 30, my symptoms were mild, I felt dizzy because of tachycardia from time to time. Being typically me, there was always a very good explanation for my symptoms which, at first, did not stop me from exercising. Unfortunately, my heart problem progressively worsened, and it resulted in me losing consciousness almost daily. My expectations changed from working out at least once a day to struggling to walk to my car. To prevent losing consciousness in front of our children, I had to constantly rely on my husband for help. Daily activities became a struggle. I forgot what “normal” functioning felt like.

My obsession went from analyzing my weekly training to analyzing where I can and can’t go in order to minimize my risk of losing consciousness in situations that could be harmful. I kept on fighting to try and hold on to the person I used to be, but she was slipping away. I was completely lost because the identity I built around being fit and strong was gone. When I looked in the mirror, I did not know the person staring back at me.

After spending months going to different doctors and specialists my heart problem was identified by a brilliant Specialist Cardiologist. The suggested surgery was not successful, but there was another option – medication. I jumped at this option, as this was the last resort. The doctor did warn me that it was going to take time and I need to be patient. It is so easy to listen to these words, to apply them is the real challenge.

Seven days after starting my medication, I went for my first walk/run in a very long time. It started well because the first 100 meters from our house was down-hill and the effect of adrenaline never cease to amaze me. It was as if everything got their color back as I was slowly running towards the stream that flows past our home. I could hear the birds singing and water flowing over the rocks. It felt like I was flying with my new feathered friends! I felt invincible. After about 4 minutes everything went grey again. The extreme pain in my chest forced me to an immediate halt. As I fell on my knees I started crying and screaming at the same time. I could not believe what was happening. I looked on my GPS watch and saw I only ran 400 m. It felt like I ran 40 km at max speed as my heart was trying to climb out of my chest, muscles aching, and my lungs were on fire. I thought screaming a bit more might help me get rid of my frustration and disappointment but as I was screaming, I chocked on a very odd-looking bug that took the opportunity to fly into my mouth. Well, that was the last time I screamed while being in nature and sadly it was also the last time the odd-looking bug tried to stop noise pollution made by a frustrated and hysteric human.

I knew the time had come to redefine my “Why?” for wanting to be fit because it was not fun like it used to be! I considered traveling back in time; stopping myself every time I enthusiastically explained to an unfit person how wonderful and exciting it is to exercise and they should join me for a slow short run sometime. I then understood the “if looks could kill” expression I mostly got as a reply to my (only now well understood) naïve comments.

In the search for my “Why?” for fitness, I considered applying many theories but most of these were focused on the long-term results that were so far away and unrealistic in my opinion. The books and articles I found were mostly focused on people that are already fit. Getting into the habit of training honestly did not appeal to me at that time. It was not motivating me to get off my buttocks and go exercise, it actually made me feel worse about myself and who I have become. My justification for not exercising outweigh my undiscovered “Why?” and everyday it did, it became easier NOT to exercise.

After watching another inspirational video on YouTube about getting fit, I paused before setting my alarm clock. A million reasons “why not to get up earlier for a run” disguised in red and white armor, sharp swords in hand and zero tolerance were running towards me while shouting “stop her!”. This time I decided to fight instead of flight.

It took about 7 min to wrestle myself out of bed that morning and the run was not easy at all, it was suffering not running. I wanted to stop because my heart changed into a hummingbird, someone obviously spilled super glue where I was running, and my asthma pump was not helping me to breath normal. Everything was grey! I started asking myself why I am doing this. I stopped to sit on a rock next to the stream because it was impossible talking to myself while running, that is obviously reserved for fit people only. As I was listening to the water flowing downstream, I saw our children’s happy faces in front of me. I love watching our children play, they have the most gorgeous contagious laughter. I thought about all the things that makes them happy and gives them self-confidence because that makes me happy and content. Suddenly anxiety tried to overwhelm me, changing their happy faces and laughter to uncertainty and fear. At first, I did not understand where this came from, then I realized that if I fail to overcome this “obstacle” it has a direct effect on their self-confidence and willpower. How are they supposed to be bold and fearless if I can’t show them how? If I can’t overcome an “obstacle” because it is too difficult, how can I expect this from them? How can they look up to someone that quits when it gets tough?

I looked at my reflection in the water, stood up and pointed my finger at myself saying: “NO! You will not allow this! I want to be a person our children can look up to and respect. I want to live by example and show them anything is possible when they put their minds to it. I want to show them how important it is NOT to give up, even if the pain and suffering is unbearable. I want to motivate them to be the best they can be. They deserve a mother that is strong and determined! I want to be that person for them, more than anything!”

When I arrived home, I looked in the mirror and saw a person that I did not know gazing back at me. I saw “Her”, a warrior much stronger than I was. She was standing tall and proud. Her armor very carefully and well-designed. Shamelessly she was holding her highly detailed sword, a bright light reflecting on the Star of David creating an aura of gold around her. On her chest plate the engraving: “Focus on Here and Now”. She looked ready for battle. She had wisdom in her eyes that looked straight into my soul. I could see the hunger for success in her smile. That day I met my “Why?” for wanting to be fit! Every time I make the decision to exercise, I meet “Her” in the mirror, and we become one.

Now it is your turn to find your “Why?” for fitness. There is a reason you are reading this today. You can only control what you do here and now. Make the decision now and celebrate your victory today. I believe you can do it!

If you are currently struggling with weight loss, you know that it is not easy and there are no shortcuts. The concept remains simple: burn more calories than you eat. As easy as that sounds, it is not. I am sure you have tried many diets and exercise plans before, but you are looking for something different. I want to help you by sharing small changes I made in my daily routine that made all the difference.

Every time I have decided to lose weight it felt like I was going to battle unprepared and without armour. It created fear, and I surely did not look forward to it. The pleasure of losing weight was not tangible enough because it was in the future and I could not experience it right away. The pleasure of eating all the sugary treats I was accustomed to daily, outweighed the possible pain of gaining more weight in the future. In short, there was more pleasure in the present, thus I could not convince myself to stop my bad eating habits.

I am also a strong-willed person and I do not like to be told what to do. I discovered that I especially disliked it when I told myself what I could eat and what I should remove from my diet. Being told what not to eat increased my rebelliousness and every time I thought about all the delicious things that were removed from my diet, an increased craving developed for it. So many times, this resulted in me eating exactly what I told myself not to, and in greater quantities than ever before. More times than not, I picked up weight rather than losing weight after one week of “dieting”.

I was looking for something different, something deeper. As Albert Einstein explained: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results”. This time I wanted to be well prepared for my battle. There are two very important aspects to consider when preparing for battle: know who the enemy is and make sure you have appropriate armour. I am not surprised that I failed during my battles previously, because I had neither.

After spending a lot of time creating my link chart in order to find possible suspects, I had success finding my enemy. His name is Deceit. He brings a great gloomy cloud into the room that makes it extremely difficult to see past the immediate, brief pleasure of eating sugary treats. His wicked red eyes prevent me from realizing the pain of gaining more weight and having an unhealthy body in the future. The more I allow him into my life, the bigger and stronger he becomes and the less resistance I have against his powers.

As a young child my dad told me that God gave me one body and I need to look after it, appreciate it and develop it to the best of my ability. I always laughed when he told me that it is impossible to exchange my body for another if I messed it up. Deceit is the only one laughing at this point and I have had enough of him. I was ready to figure out what to use as armour and how to use it optimally. I choose a shield which represents the change in my state of mind and a sword to symbolize forming new habits.

On my shield I wrote my “Why”: “I want to destroy the power that Deceit has over me by wisely choosing food that will nourish my body and avoiding food that can harm it”. First thing in the morning I take my shield and stand in front of the mirror. By doing this I am getting into a state of mind of confidence. Afterwards I take my sword, hold it high and speak life over my new habits: “I love fruit and vegetables and prefer them to sugary treats”, “I will not buy sugary treats today”, “I will eat slowly and think about the benefits the food holds that I am busy eating”, “I will eat only the amount that is necessary to nourish my body” and “I will drink more water today”.

Every day I wake up and take up my shield and sword, Deceit knows I have arrived. I am the confident and strong warrior with the shield of faith that makes me stand tall against Deceit. In my left hand I hold the sword of Solomon high, cutting through his smoke and shining light onto darkness, revealing the truth.

Today you have the choice to take up your shield and sword and become a warrior to defeat Deceit. Start today and discover how powerful your shield and sword can be!

For majority of my life, entering an Ironman 70.3 was just not on my list of things possible. The 1.9km swim was just so far from what I thought possible. My excuse for sticking to Sprint triathlons or Olympic distance was that my swimming was not strong enough, and I needed more time to work on my swim. This was a very good excuse when my husband entered, and I did not. Being my husband’s supporter at the East London Ironman 70.3 in 2017 was my A-ha moment for why people enter this race, or rather, that is what I thought!

I always wondered why people go the extreme route of participating in Ironman 70.3. I spoke to a lot of “finishers” in the past to try and understand their “Why?” As many people I spoke to was as many different responses I got, thus I could not really come to a clear conclusion. My husband tried to explain to me his “Why?” for entering, but even by being completely convinced that I know and understand my husband, I could not fully understand his “Why?”.

Walking with my husband down to the beach in East London on race day just as the first signs of daylight broke through, was one of the most interesting experiences. I could feel his anxiety, fear and excitement like it was touchable. There was something different in his eyes that morning, I could sense the internal war that was going on. I was convinced I am getting closer to the answer I was so desperately searching for. I was watching my husband and all the other athletes finishing and fomo overwhelmed me. The emotions I observed that day made me realize that this race is much bigger than a physical race, it is a self-discovery, where you redefine the term ‘internal locus of control’. It is about the here and now, personal growth, and overcoming fear. My husband’s eyes were different after the race, he was different. I had to find my “Why?” and the only way was to go through the experience myself.

After arriving back home I made the decision that I had to enter an Ironman 70.3 and ASAP because I then developed a fear that I will forget the emotions I observed that day in East London. As we had reason to believe we might be living in France not long from then, I had many options to choose from in Europe. Obviously the first thing I did was Google ‘the easiest Ironman 70.3 races in Europe’… News flash – there is no easy Ironman 70.3 race. I watched many videos of the different courses and finally decided to go with Vichy because it was a flat course and not too far from Paris. I convinced myself that flat must be easier than not.

I then discovered that time management books and articles can’t increase the number of hours in a day, I still had only 24hours to be a wife, mom, employee and amateur athlete. Waking up over the weekends at 4am started to become a habit in order to get in our long rides and brick sessions. Waking up early in the week for our runs and racing to the gym during lunch to get in a swimming session became the norm, although our friends and family thought we have joined a cult and was petrified of the day we would pitch up with a red IM tattoo on our calves. The truth is that fear of not being able to finish the race was pushing me every time I did not feel like going for a 3-hour cycle, 10 km run or 2 km swim. There are many things that sounds more enjoyable to other people, but those more enjoyable things would not help me to fight the fear.

When I thought I had discovered my “Why?” for entering an Ironman 70.3 it did not become easier to prepare myself for this race, I just think I had a better understanding of why I am putting my body through extreme training. Fear also had some side effects like messing up my punctuality because I was spending more time than planned in most training sessions. It also contributed to my “new” sense of style, which I claimed as my well thought through “fashion statement” focusing on liberating women. Colleagues and customers quickly accepted when I exchanged my high heels for tekkies (running shoes) or best-case scenario: ballet pumps. My hair style changed to a more “natural” style and wearing make-up was dependent on the amount of traffic on my way to customers or the office. More times than not, my new “fashion statement” had reduced the odds of humiliating myself while franticly sprinting the 600m from my usual “late-comer” parking spot to the entrance of our office with my laptop bag dragging behind me in the air resembling superwomen’s cape, in my mind anyway….

Swimming was not my strength at that time, so using every opportunity possible to do open water swimming was good advice. The anxiety that comes with not being comfortable in water is worse than the first time I watched the movie “IT” at the tender age of 9. My HR goes up to about 200bpm, it feels like my heart is increasing in size with each beat and it is suffocating my lungs as an effect. I am trying my best to breath in, but I can’t. My asthma kicks in and usually I can’t get my asthma pump out of my zipped-up wetsuit. My legs become lead and starts sinking. There is nothing that compares to this, this is the effect of Fear. They (the clever people in magazines and on the internet) say the only way to overcome this is to spend time in the water. Apparently, I can float in my wetsuit, but my brain forgot to tell my body this. Every time I did an open water swim, I met Fear in the water. He was continuously trying to intimidate me; trying to convince me that I cannot do this and that he is stronger than me. Going from doggy paddle to freestyle because my head just refused to go under water never really got easier. Fear was there gazing at me. But the feeling when I succeeded made me go back for more.

As race day come closer; every time I thought of my race it felt like I was on a roller-coaster and suddenly I needed my asthma pump and wanted to vomit at the same time. Many times, I had thoughts of pulling out of the race because the anxiety and fear was just too great for me to physically handle. The real scary day was 14 days to race day. I kept on looking at my Strava App to calculate if I really did train enough. I had many internal battles: “Did I put in enough hours? At the right intensity? Did I get enough sleep? Will I be able to finish? Which tactics will Fear use during the race?”

As my alarm went off at 4am after not sleeping at all…. It was D-day. My husband reminded me about how important it is to eat something as I was so anxious I could not image putting anything in my mouth. I set a new PB for going to the toilet before a race, I lost count at number 12 and that was just before we arrived at the event. But when we arrived, the incredible beauty of the lake with the rays of sun reflecting on it helped me to calm down. I reminded myself of my “Why?” and that the only thing that matters is here and now.

As I jumped into the water like a typical first timer, I encountered my old friend, Fear. “Good morning Maria. I am not here to ask you how you are doing; I know you can’t do this; you will not be able to finish this race. Look how far you need to swim, what if you get an asthma attack? Do you really think your asthma pump will work? If by some miracle you make the swim, then you need to cycle 90km, then the run 21,1km. NEVER will you be able to do this, it is too much. Rather quit now!”

I looked fear in the eye, and I said: “You are my “Why?” Boldness grew in me every time I encountered Fear that day. It was a very long day and Fear made use of every possible opportunity. The emotions when crossing the finish line that day still gets to me as I am writing this. It is filled with tears of joy, victory, suffering and personal growth. I am proud that I beat Fear that day in Vichy. By entering the Ironman 70.3, I became a stronger person, more mentally than physically. I was able to focus on the here and now and push myself to a higher mental level unlike anything I have experienced in my life. By facing Fear and beating him that day gave me confidence that the next time we meet, I can do it again and again. Thus, I am addicted to Ironman 70.3 since I will meet my friend Fear there, every time.